


Phil, Mel, and the cuckoo clock of doom

by Bacner



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clock, F/M, Gen, Plot What Plot, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Some Romance, alternate universe - freeform, cuckoo, cuckoo clock of doom, reality what reality, some absurdity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 20:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/pseuds/Bacner
Summary: Across the multiverse, Melinda asks Phil Coulson to fix her cuckoo clock...
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	Phil, Mel, and the cuckoo clock of doom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lila_luscious1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lila_luscious1/gifts), [beckysue_bonner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckysue_bonner/gifts), [Patty_Parker60](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patty_Parker60/gifts).



> Disclaimer: all of the characters aren't mine.

_Across the multiverse…_

And so it happened one day, when Phil was walking upstairs, intent on catching his daughter and her boyfriend unawares, (his working day ended earlier today, because it was the holiday season), he suddenly felt a small, but strong hand catch him by a sleeve. He turned around, and sure enough, it was Melinda May, their neighbour from a lower level, looking intently at him.

“Phil! Oh! Hey! Good thing that I ran into you!” the woman said brightly, sounding atypically flustered, especially for her. “I need help, see?”

“Mel! Oh! Hey! Really?” Phil decided to specify in case this was going to be some sort of a prank. (Mel didn’t do pranks, of course, but neither she did flustered, or ask for help…anyone, let alone him – their relationship with that messy, alas!)

“Yes,” Melinda muttered, still looking atypically flushed and flustered for her, even as she let Phil into her apartment, “though I must admit that it isn’t exactly my idea-“

“What do you mean-?” Phil did not finish as the two of them came inside Melinda’s apartment, and saw, lo and behold, that Melinda was holding some sort of a party for his daughter and Grant… only not exactly, since another pair of children, even younger than Grant and Daisy were, were also sitting there, looking at the grown-ups with big and attentive eyes.

“Hey, dad!” Daisy called-out cheerfully, implying that whatever Phil was worrying about regarding her and the younger man, this was not it. It was something scarier. “Glad to see you here so quickly… Ms. May got a problem.”

“What problem?” Phil looked at his daughter, trying to convey via a glare that while she was off the hook regarding her boyfriend, she was still on it regarding whatever mischief was planning to do now all the same. 

“Oh, her clock broke down – the cuckoo has stopped cuckooing or whatever the noises it makes are called,” Skye said airily. “Can you restart it?”

…If it was anyone else, Phil would have flat-out refused to – whom did they think he was? Nick Fury? Since it was Melinda, he promptly rolled-up his sleeves, did not mention Nick Fury (and his godly mien) at all, and wen to look at the clock in question, hoping that it was not too bad.

At a first glance, it was not. The clock, cuckoo and all, just appeared to have wound down – it was that sort of a clock model – and so Phil, armed with various tools – wrenches, a drill, oil, etc. – because of course Melinda would have tools – took a deep breath and wound the clock back up, the cuckoo, pendulum and all. Immediately it began to count time once more, even as Phil brought it up to the right time of the day, even giving the pendulum an extra swing, just to make sure.

“…Well, it seems to be working,” he commented to May as he carefully moved away from the clock towards her – backwards, just in case the clock decided to do something, (you never knew with clocks! They were almost as unpredictable as Hydra heads were!) “Problem solved?”

“Yes, that’s how it looks,” Melinda muttered, ignoring the fact that Phil’s last statement was a question instead. “Do you want to stay for the party-?”

“Yes-!” Phil replied without really thinking it over, “sure!” His brain caught up to his mouth, and he turned red. So did Melinda, and so it might’ve been a good thing, when the cuckoo flew out of the clock, made a loop, and sat on top of its’ clock domicile, continuing to cuckoo all that time.

There was a pause as everyone observed the new development, and then Melinda turned to Phil. “Can you put it back?” she asked softly. Usually, there was steel beneath the softness, but because it was Phil, there was no need to. 

“Right-o!” the man replied instead, grabbed the bird, brushed it with a brush (duh!) for good measure, and put it back into its’ designated spot, closing the doors shut. “There! That should hold it-“

The cuckoo dropped out through the clock’s bottom this time, hanging onto the pendulum and swinging on it, even as it continued to, well, cuckoo. 

“…That’s not correct either,” Melinda muttered, even as she and Phil munched on an apple – well, an apple each. “Want to try again?”

“Yes please,” Phil muttered, as he grabbed the cuckoo again, paused handed it over to Melinda, grabbed some of the power tools, performed something or other on the clock, (by now, Daisy, Grant and the children were absolutely silent, just watching the proceedings from the back – at least, Phil hoped so), and put the clock back.

“There!”

And then he wound it back up.

Immediately, the cuckoo flew out straight and true like one of Clint Barton’s arrows, right to the top of Melinda’s head, and began to cuckoo. 

There was a pause.

“Please put it back,” Melinda just looked at Coulson, and there still was not any steel in her voice, that made Phil just feel worse, and so he rushed to her, intent on saving her from the fowl.

Only the fowl had other plans, as it flew down from Melinda’s head onto the floor… well, the carpet that was on the floor, and so all that Phil’s rush did was to bring him onto Melinda, and both of them onto the carpeted floor…and the cuckoo, which continued to cuckoo around the area of their… uh. Right. Around their area of. The end.

There was a pause and then Phil and Melinda kissed passionately each other on the lips and en-twined their limbs around each other, and rolled on the floor like a pair of weasels in heat, the end.

Just kidding – in reality the two jumped apart, because now the youngsters appeared, as they carefully extracted the cuckooing cuckoo from beneath the carpet, and gently put it back into the clock.

“Thank you, people,” Phil muttered politely, as he and Melinda finally untangled from other, however reluctantly, and looked at the clock. “You think that it’s fixed now-?”

The clock fell off the wall and almost onto Melinda’s lap pendulum first – Phil was able to pull her away barely in time. The cuckoo was not evident now, but the clock itself was doing the cuckooing instead. 

“What the-?” Melinda gasped, as the clock skidded across her apartment floor, aiming towards her and Phil. “What in the name of S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

They dodged it, even as the clock lunged forwards and upwards, landed – skids first – it was built like a tiny house, from an angular roof down to the ‘basement’ that consisted of the pendulum and four pillars each for each corner – onto one of Melinda’s coffee tables, where it stopped cuckooing and began to shake.

“Everyone retreat!” somebody shouted, and everyone went and hid behind sofas, in armoires and the like as the clock exploded in a small short shower of springs and sprockets…

/ / /

_Some time later…_

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen,” Phil muttered to Melinda, as the two of them sat in his (well, his and Daisy’s) kitchen and had tea.

“I know. Things didn’t went quite according to plan,” Melinda admitted in her turn.

“Yes, I figured it out,” Phil muttered. “Want to have a relationship? More tea?”

“Yes,” Melinda muttered back, their hands touched, they blushed – and they kissed for the first time in a long while.

The end.


End file.
